What if you don't like how the story ends? Rewrite the Beginning.

Greetings from 2016! This will be a short post to kick start blogging in the New Year, but I wanted to expound on a thought I had that ties to some articles and books I've been reading.

There's an article that gleans some life lessons from House of Cards - finding diamonds in the rough that is the character of Frank Underwood (played by Kevin Spacey). One episode quote that gets at what I want to discuss is one he made to his House protégé Jackie:

"If you don't like how the table is set, turn over the table"

The author, @robynrl, draws the conclusion that one shouldn't just let events happen to him or her. That's often sage, no doubt, but I'd add that it also addresses how to exercise influence over a situation: question the premises!  

When is it better to reject the entire "game" over playing within its confines? We don't always have to cause a ruckus by acting destructively to "turn over the table," sometimes we just walk away from it, or look at it a different way. The important point isn't the imagery, it's to not assume the way the "deck is stacked" has to be a given.

Another entombment we often hear is, "if you don't like the way your story ends, rewrite the ending!" What I asked myself this month is, why don't we ever tell people to rewrite the beginning? So often in life situation, what we do many moves back has a large - if not always decisive - impact on the ending. Sure, sure, we should focus on what we can do until it ends, but we can't be blind that many moves ago, we already had an impact.

Too often, this is seen as a cause for melancholy and regret; after all, "I left my time machine on Earth, did you bring yours?!" (A fun Stargate Atlantis quote that sums up the futility that leads to exasperation by nay-saying past decisions.) What I would suggest is it doesn't have to be a time-traveling pipe dream or excuse to exasperate your friends by pretending all is too late, if looked at the right way. 

Psychology recognizes the impact that internalized narratives have on our way of thinking. For examples, two authors I've been reading, Drs. Michelle Skeen and Brené Brown, for example, both "our stories" can keep us remaking similar mistakes if we don't raise them to awareness, engage them, question them, and do some editing. Significantly, what is extremely helpful is to ditch the advice some will give you to just "quit thinking" thoughts that are part of your "internal beliefs." On the contrary, you have to initially recognize them and stop trying to push them away before you can permit them less hold on your actions and subsequent thoughts, as well as recast them in a new dye.

In Game Theory, we study repeating games. If one stage has an outcome that is carried over to the next stage, that feedback will likely continue to have an impact (for better or worse). We can't change the past, but if we interrupt the instant xeroxing of the elements of our "beginnings" and rewrite the beginning of the next stage, the next challenge, the perception of the next opportunity, then that feedback - that carried balance from life's ledger - will be handled in a different way. We can change how the deck is stacked.

Without any quantum wormholes necessary, we can put another leaf in the table!

Reboot: New Year's Resolutions

So, I kicked off 2015 with a post of 10-12 New Year's Resolutions. As the year comes to a close, I must admit I haven't kept many of them. It definitely wasn't a failure, though, and here's why:

• I kept a few. I'm now gainfully employed, and I've had to move the pet that I mentioned wanting to give TLC on two occasions in order to do that, but we managed well!
• Even those not kept were motivating, and I have made progress on some that are of the open-ended variety.
• I can try again. I've heard some say, because these resolutions are rarely kept, why bother? For me, it helps me get my own buy-in, and gives me a large enough window (a whole year) that I can see some progress.

To that end, time to start again! Here are my New Year's Resolutions for 2016:

1. Build on last year's gains, bring more focus and direction to my career, and have tangible improvement to show by September.
2. Replace a particular bad habit into which I relapsed in 2014.
3. Be more patient with my older pet, who is more apt to get bored/restless.
4. Improve a particular familial relationship, and, another which is complementary...
5. Let go of resentment, anger, grudges, and mistrust that are in play in 3 relationships, especially a romantic ghost from the past.
6. Continue to cherish my friendships, and not let life's highs or lows distract me from them.
7. Develop better anxiety coping skills so that when I'm feeling pressure or insecure in one or multiple areas of my life, I don't allow that stress to intrude upon other areas of my life.
8. Exercise at least twice a week!
9. Return to Patio Gardening.
10. Develop more financial discipline and return to a relatively more secure footing. Be on a route toward monthly solvency and a small amount of savings by the end of the year.
11. At some point during the year, start dating again, but not with walls built up from the past.
    
12. Continue to develop my confidence and independence.
13. Continue to journal weekly - something I did manage to do last year.
14. Blog once a month - something I obviously did not do.
15. As small as it sounds - do the dishes more regularly!

Some of last year's resolutions that have reappeared - like patio gardening - were allowed to lapse partly because of a major life change that happened in 2015: I moved. After living in the same apartment for multiple years - my first since moving away from home - I moved into one that I never grew to like. Now, if the unit were just not quite what I had hoped, I'd still try to make the best of it, but I also knew from day one that I might not be there long enough to "lay down roots," so I didn't do much of that literally in the form of plant roots.

Now, I love my apartment, and no matter how long I'm here, I'm definitely going to spruce it up. It's winter, but as long as I'm still here in March, there will be some plants on my patios! Technically, there already is one. I'm going to enjoy this place as long as I have it.

New Year's Resolutions for 2015

Among the posts that never got written last month, I still plan to double-back later in the next few weeks and write one on an article. For now, I wanted to share my New Year's Resolutions. To kick things off, there is one that I'm acting to keep right now: journal once a week, and blog at least once a month! So, expect next December to be more fruitful.

Two are a little personal, so I'll just share them generally. In 2014, I resumed a bad habit that I had broken prior to moving, and I aim to leave it behind again. Insofar as the other resolutions help me reduce my stress, this will be more attainable, and I plan to incentivize it, too. The other is to improve a close familial relationship that I've let sour.

A fourth resolution is to "Improve Confidence", which is pretty broad. Too often, I've found the problem with extant advice on confidence is precisely that it is a phrase thrown around too generally, which leads to treating it like something you can just "hype up" or turn on by sheer will. So, I put some sub-goals to help guide me:

• Let go of hate.
  (I'm happy to say I've felt this happening, not that I harbored a lot of it.)
• Forgive Self ...and God.
• "Find a way to navigate" ...by which I think I meant social settings instrumental in achieving my goals; and, 
• See (my) worth, and stuff to offer. 

In two works I read by Brené Brown, she stresses the importance of a healthy appreciation of your own worth to creativity, extending empathy to yourself, and taking risks and being vulnerable without catastrophic results. In that vein, it's not meant as a mere self-esteem boost, but as instrumental to helping me as I go forward into the new year. A friend recommended a book to glean more from life's experiences, and I've already ordered it.

Five of the remaining Six:

• Regenerate capacity to connect (with others)
• Be a better friend
• Give thanks, (and) be joyful for - and good to - "Bob".
  (This one is easy - one of the best parts of 2014!)
• Return to Gardening. ...Stay tuned this Spring!
• Start exercising again at least twice every full week.
  (Ideally, every other day, but this is set so I can work up to it, and so when I get that rhythm going, a brief miss doesn't wreck the resolution.)

Lastly, I resolve to find a new job...and direction. I only see the last part of that resolution as within my control. While I can influence the likelihood of finding employment, through my experience last year I became quite resigned that this is, at least to a significant extent, out of my hands. I can take actions to improve my odds, and shall, but as I'm not in a profession I can pursue by self-employment (at least until I have a pedigree with which to consult), I will need someone to extend an offer. I hope this happens early in the year.

My Bucket List (with Brief Midterm Caption as a Preamble)

I'll do a blog post on the midterm election when more of the aftermath materializes, either in the next two weeks, or after Senator Mary Landrieu (D-LA) is finally introduced to forced early retirement.. Presently, let me say I think the election is mostly a rebuke, and affords merely an opportunity for a united Congress to advance an alternative vision and policy direction. Unfortunately, unless there's an abrupt strategy shift in the next 9-18 months, the way in which the midterm campaigns were conducted indicates to me that there isn't a concerted effort to raise such a thoughtful platform over the cacophony of noise that passes for public discourse these days. Instead, we'll just see pragmatic weaving within it, and I tend to hold that course - naively, wantonly, or idealistically -  in disdain.

So, lets turn to a subject with which I'm more intimately acquainted: Me. A friend of mine whose blog coattails I've ridden before recently posted a "Bucket List". In the past, I haven't had a list of specific achievements and experiences to which you aspire during your lifetime. When I was sharing this with a new friend, she said that she only had one for travel, preferring to stay in the moment. I'm very much a planner, but I don't like to set myself up for disappointment. I can see the appeal of aspiration (for drive), prioritization, and taking stock of what one hopes to get out of life, but, on the other hand, I don't want to find myself in the circumstance of the many TV sitcom characters whose chuckle must cover the shock at how much their life has drifted from past aims, or how much they've changed from the past self that dared to dream. To try to strike a balance that would work for me - painting the contours of my particular aims, leaving room for the parts of the dream that will be written, and hopefully not foreshadowing the mayhem of overcompensating antics 30 years from now - I've developed the list below. Enjoy.

Career / Scholastic Pursuits

• Become published
• Achieve a substantial professional efficiency gain
• Teach college courses, preferably later in my career
• Make a contribution to the structural form of decentralized political economy

Intellectually

• Take at least one more graduate-level course in Economics
  (completes a previous goal)
• Return to University to study Philosophy, which I've only studied indirectly
• Improve my French, and learn at least one other foreign language

Spiritually

• Repair my relationship with God, strengthening my faith, and listening more.
• Look back and see spiritual growth.
  ("Tao called Tao is not Tao;" I cannot yet describe the semblance)
• Reach a point where I donate at least 10% to charity

Relationship

• Meet the love of my life (hopefully, I haven't yet)
• Get married (unless she was an ex-girlfriend)
• Fifteen years later, have a trust that makes no room for questioning motives, a dedication and caring that makes calculation trivial, and an eternally enduring bond

Friendship

• Be a better friend - merging the adult me with the thoughtfulness of yesteryear and loyalty I value in others
• Restore one, two, or both of the friendships that I most lament losing

Pets & Children (in case I have any of the human variety)

• Have a cat reach Age 20 in healthy condition after living a charmed life
• Provide a balance of direction - a starting point, a foundation - and freedom
• Be involved (i.e., help with homework), not just present
• Fund at least one edifying experience
  (i.e., private school tuition, summer abroad, etc.)
• Help them to have developed by "quarter-life" more discipline, perseverance, and confidence than I currently have. 

Travel

• Go to Europe
• Visit France
• Visit at least 2 more countries
• Travel across Canada via train.
• See Québec City
• Return to Maine
• Visit 25 states - 30 counting airport stops / in-transit only

Materially

• Have a roadster (perhaps an Audi TT, BMW, or a Honda CR-Z)
• Own a Townhouse or an A-Frame
• Achieve some level of financial independence
  (say, savings that can last 9 months, and human capital to make that sufficient)
• Own a Mont Blanc, or a similar pen that I prefer
• A pair of Gucci or D&G Shoes

Hobbies & Skills 

• Have at least 3 peace roses that last at least 4 years
• Learn to Fence
• Cook for a month straight
• Get and learn to operate a "siphon" brewing pot

Denton ISD's New Grading Policy: Wrong, and NOT excess Individualism

Today, I heard a blurb on the radio about a local school district adopting a new grading policy that grants students two privileges:

1. The ability to redo term papers for a higher grade, and
2. The prerogative to turn in assignments late without penalty.

I found out from a quick "google" this district is Denton, and the new story is reaction to a controversial policy that was launched before the start of the '14-'15 academic year. Dallas Observer did clarify that #2 is, thankfully, not without limit, as campuses can curtail the grace period so it doesn't turn into a semester-wide indulgence.

I share the parents' concerns that this policy sends the wrong message. Hopefully, it is also the concern of many high school students who are in danger of being cheated out of their free opportunity to be held accountable so they can learn lessons before the toll of repaid tuition and lost earnings is exacted by life. Saying students initially respond with "smiles" doesn't mean, reflectively and privately, many don't probably agree with parents and (presumably) taxpayers that this is a bad idea. It implies the trend in higher education of having to double-back and reteach through remedial classes what should have been learned in secondary English and Math courses will now extend to basic study habits. We'll all pay twice, and our next generation can't afford that redundancy.

Especially since it does not have the added value the district proposes: individuality. The article quotes a district spokesperson, Mario Zavala, as follows:

"Everything is very individualistic in regards to the campus, and per student. You work with every student differently to allow them to reach their potential, ...We think overall, it's going back to the students being accountable. At the same time the students that need a little extra time to master the concepts will have that time."

If this spokesperson speaks for the district, then DISD has a mistaken idea of what individualism means. F.A. Hayek dedicated an article to this subject, but for present purposes I would just like to point out that accountability and individuality are not in conflict. Quite the contrary, the belief here is collectivist. First, because many young pupils won't rebound from the signal of a bad grade, especially those that unfortunately don't have the support network at home, lets just let them all off the hook. If the goal is individual treatment, let parents opt their kids into this new policy, and the parents who are thankful their children must meet standards the first time can refrain from doing so.

Second, with the public pressure to push everyone down the college track, lets keep those transcripts pristine with grades dirtied with test/retest threats to validity. Further, lets make sure colleges face an inability to distinguish those A's earned by turning in homework and researching the term paper from the A's earned only from rewriting the C paper and flinging a bunch of assignments at the teacher at the last minute. (Sidenote: Expect teachers to grade more easily if they're inundated.) If Tim can turn in August homework in December, he may not merely have learned the material but actually mastered it, but should his record not reflect he had months of extra time? As noted Economist Walter E. Williams would tell you, you're doing him no favor by not making that distinction, because if he's admitted on a false basis to a University for which he is ill-suited, odds are that he won't finish. That individual may waste time he could have spent more prosperously at a less-demanding University, a junior college, or otherwise gaining job skills.

Lastly, late penalties respect - and induce - individual judgments. I will certainly own that over my lifetime, I've submitted quite a few late papers; however, I almost always expected to pay for the extra time with grade points. Lets say you produce your paper, and you think you have your basic B that you can shove in the submission pile on time. If you take the extra day or two to make it better, and your perception is right, you may get it to A quality, but why should that time be free? I suspect some think, "well, if the penalties take it to a B, why bother?" This is short-term thinking! If you are committed to quality and improvement, you bother not just for the grade, but to improve your skill.

DISD assumes tailoring education means tailoring the signal, but the value of the signal - like with prices - is to communicate factual data. "Relative to the kids who turned in an A on time, your tardy paper of equal quality is a B." Like stable prices, the student should expect this penalty, but can still make the individual judgment call, asking "can I make this mediocre paper better?" Giving the student a B doesn't rob them of the learning they received, it just presents them with the cost, from which s/he can also learn.

Of course, if we're going to treat signals as arbitrary, then I agree, let them take forever, and let the laggards get the same transcripts. Then, DISD kids can go work at McDonald's and demand $15/hour wages. After all, if the manager ministers to them, they may indeed have skill worth that someday, so let them have it now, right?

And now we're done? Solidarity & Connection BEYOND Relatability*

This week, a friend of mine authored a blog post (Crazy Cass Life: and now we're done?) on a personal problem in which I saw my own fear both reflected and refracted onto a different theme. In a nutshell, while dealing with the life-altering biological obstacle of infertility, some quality friendships were born in the fires of empathy, but when medicine and prayer helped her overcome that hurdle, she was met with estrangement from those about whom she still cared a great deal. I often worry people won't be able to identify with me because I am not currently working, and also that as friends' lives take on more dimensions, they'll drift from me. For simplicity, I'll even say they might "outgrow" me.

We're all going to have many experiences, some of which will be very similar to others and some different. Relatability can be a great bonding agent, bringing people together over understanding and support. Unfortunately, as this piece that I found when searching for verification that yes, unbeknownst to my spell-check, it is a word, relatability can also be fertile ground for narcissism. For any of us that want to form more than ephemeral bonds, the extent to which our relationships can't stretch beyond present circumstances is a concern; especially, when these circumstances are ones we know that we wish to change.

I must confess to a bit of ironic self-indulgence in that I'm knocking our egocentric times while finding a good deal of value in Alexis' piece out of - you guessed it - relatability. I haven't found my economic niche yet, but don't want to be left on the other side of the "line" from those who are further along in their careers anymore than she wants her victory of "crossing over" from infertile to motherhood to separate her from her friends. Whether we wish them to or not, both motherhood and our professional status are not usually treated as mere attributes, but as defining qualities of our lives.

By Lionel Bartel*

Indeed, that's why social groups tend to define themselves around them. I know that even among all who work, lines crop up. The Friends episode in which Dr. Ross Gellar doesn't want to sit with his friend Joey in the cafeteria comes to mind. Alexis has the refrain of a Québecois car bumper - "I remember" - that the basis of their bond, its root, is still there, even if their lives' branches aren't identical. It's important to keep that in mind, but I think it's also important to remember, even if our relatability diminishes, we are still the same person.

Growth is not the same as total change, and it's not as if the core of special people in our lives has no transcendental character! Or is that the problem? If I may veer off briefly into the metaphysical, when we let erstwhile cherished connections languish because the in-group dynamics have dissipated, are we not raising the experience above the soul?

The New Yorker article to which I linked above also distinguishes Identification from Relatability, which I found useful. Beyond the in-group distinctions made above, perhaps nowhere do we see the in-group|out-group division have as vehemently a limiting character as when the experience is fused with identity. Being a professional, and, sometimes, becoming a mother, are both at least malleble, the product of choices. So, too, is that the case with another fault line with which friendships must contend: married|single. What about race and gender, though?

Even if imperfectly, I would submit that these divisions can be bridged if the goal is to cross with empathy and (partial) understanding. I could definitely identify with a challenge that an article on LinkedIn was suggested is faced more by women interviewees: being able to bring more confidence to bear when discussing something external about which I am passionate versus being under the microscope myself. I'd much rather present on a researched topic to a small group, even knowing they're evaluating me, than I would sit across from 1-3 people directly scrutinizing me. Now you bring in all the baggage from the past, and my being a white male may seem an inescapable barrier, and it seems to me relatability - by demanding too proximate a positioning of the subjects on multiple planes of our experience - actually stands in the way of the beneficial goal of transcending those barriers and learning from one another.

If we can't even do it where we have choice, Lord help us!


* By Lionel Bartel (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

New "Sunset Blend" brew at 1418 Coffeehouse

Today, I got to try a new variety of java available at Fourteen Eighteen Coffeehouse, which gives me an occasion to return to the Blog that I haven't visited this month so that I can share a description. It's a tasty brew that shiny, light citrus of the panama, costa rica, or - to a lesser extent - the Honduras, with the Earthen body of an Ethiopian. The light overtones come out more as the coffee cools, with the textured body dominating initially. Though it finishes bright, the aptly-named bean's dimensionality lingers, which is welcome in a cup with low to midrange acidity. You will also enjoy the smooth mouthfeel, which hearty cups like the Nicaragua and Ethiopian varieties often subvert. Like a sunset, the light manages to remain. Enjoy!