What's Done is Done: Getting Out of Dissertation "Project Mode"

I expect this to be the last post on my dissertation - in fact, that it should be is part of the point of this post. A friend of mine that completed who successfully defended her own just a little over a year ago thought it would probably feel weird for me to not have that ongoing project anymore. At the time, I still had some revisions and edits to make, but I didn't figure that would be the case for me. I expected to be glad to be done. This thing that I'd let hang over me too long was finally put to bed. I found it still lingering, though, just as she'd suspected.

Continuing to think about your research agenda is good. At least for me, it meant there were still some embers I could stoke to escape the onset of burnout. My chair and I had discussed the possibility of pursuing the publication of some chapters separately, so when I found a source that looked like it would have been a great inclusion for Chapter 2, I was sure to link and save it. It would not be lingering in the past to improve that chapter while prepping it to stand on its own as a journal article. In my view, that is moving forward.

Look! The desks have surface area.

Still, I wanted to make sure my orientation stayed that way. The book I mentioned in the last two posts - Sternberg (1981) - suggested having a space to work that was dissertation-centric, with little else. So, I think it is a good corollary that in moving past "project mode", that organizational centrality needs to be deconstructed. For those with a whole office, and who can afford it, a redecorate might be a great idea, but personally I just put the notes, edits, and printed sources in a binder, and printed a "working copy" of the dissertation should I need to reference it or loan it to someone. Printed copies are too pricey to loan, and seeing a fresh copy drives home some finality; meanwhile, the "active folder" in my desk file system has gone from bulging to flat, and "hen-scratched" pages don't adorn my peninsula desk. Unfortunately, I can't similarly cleanse the job search folder, but otherwise the space is fresh for new projects. If you've recently finished a big project that had consumed your office, perhaps getting the space organized will help you get reoriented as well.

"What's next?" The Doctorate is Secured, but Beyond Remains Shrouded

In the last post, I mentioned finishing my dissertation in the context of reflecting on writing strategy. This post will be a bit more personal. On her own blog (here), a friend and colleague raised the existential question of not yet knowing "...what (fingers crossed!) being Dr. Cass means for my future and our family," and indeed that is the impasse I face. First, let me sum up the facts.

Officially, I will graduate in the Fall, but on August 12 I successfully defended my dissertation before my committee, with only minor revisions required. Then, I did some fact-checking and editing, and on Monday (18th), my chair and I met to review my revisions, which in the aggregate were approximately 3 pages. For the remainder of the week, I made the last few tweaks, got approval to print, and took the final necessary steps (i.e., checking the copies, uploading the draft to a database, taking surveys, etc.) to complete my degree, among which the last one was filing for in absentia status for next Fall. So, setting aside whether or not I can claim "Dr." yet, I'm at least a "graduand."

I'm feeling better about it now than I was after passing the defense. Even though I knew the edits wouldn't take long or be contentious, I now get why my good friend that graduated last Summer initially wasn't as excited as I expected when she passed. We know it'll be done, but there's still something about merrily striding to the Graduate Dean's Office with a copy that is signed, sealed, and about to be delivered.

For me, part of the existential ambiguity about this new development comes from not having an answer to the seemingly simple but incessantly haunting inquiry, "What's next?" I have had trouble finding a position in the field in which I did my internship, though I keep looking. That too many applicants remain per post offers only some salve to the ego, but leaves the problem unsolved. My long-time interest in my field of study survived the dissertation process alive and well - after some languish between the 60-80% marks - but right now at this point in my life, a role that would require my continued engagement with academic research culture doesn't seem viable. I would be up for teaching - and could very well enjoy it - but not pledging to publish x by date y. I like researching to tackle problems, but I lack the "sterner stuff" for the nit-picky, ego-driven, competitive style that leaves me feeling inadequate in the very subject otherwise engaging.

There are three more points of Alexis' blog post to which I related, and they all center around purposefulness. She found her stress over asking, "what does it mean" is mollified considerably by knowing she is where she should be. Her home life gives her solace, comfort, purpose, and joy (...or that's what I took from the post.) I want to find a decent position, preferably in my field so I can build on it, but I don't want my job to be all-consuming. The book I cited in this weekend's post is aware of the relationship problems that heavy research can bring before candidly suggesting that if you continue as a professor, they never go away. I want my relationship to come first.

At least, when I find one. I'm not in a relationship right now, and without going "TMI", I do want to acknowledge that two relevant contributing factors to the breakup of my last relationship were my inability to find a job, and lack of dissertation productivity. Well, one of those problems is gone, but, first, I sure don't want to recreate it! Second, when I ask, "what does this mean for me", one of the sub-questions entangled in that rather bloated one is, how will this - finishing, getting my PhD - impact my search for someone special with which to share my unknown future? For just over a year, "working on my dissertation" has been the main thing I've been doing. (The dissertation took longer, but before that I also had classes.) Now, what do I say?

Also, Sternberg seems to think finishing might alter one's social networks, but I'm not sure if I want that, either. After all, if I don't want to be a profession-first/relationship-second type, I don't want my networking opportunities to bias toward that type, either. I just hope it doesn't put distance between me and my match, though that at least seems more in my control than answering the question, "what now?" or "what next?" In seeking to de-emphasize those questions, and in how they make me feel, I put myself in an insecure light - the psychological footprint of social dislocation.

I'm scared to launch out far and wide. I do look off in not-too-distant metropolitan areas (i.e. others in North, South, and East Texas, Oklahoma). Although I enjoy living where I do, I understand I may have to make some adjustments - just as I had to move to pursue this degree (my alumnus didn't offer any doctorates in the School of Arts & Sciences). Still, I am not up for chucking it all and going somewhere like D.C. or marooning in Fargo or Fairbanks. Maybe that makes me "entitled" - so be it.

Part of my friend's purpose comes from her 3 miracle babies. Well, actually, as I type this, I'm enjoying a new partial addition of my own. No, not my non-existent illegitimate child visiting for the weekend, but the very real "TNR" neighborhood cat who visits me regularly. While I'm not going to equate my cat(s) with her kids, they're still a source of purpose. A handsome chum like "Bob" - what I call him - should easily find a home, don't you agree?

From what I've read, the ear clipping suggests that whoever found him thought he was too feral to be homed. He showed up on my patio months ago, and we've slowly gotten to know each other. He was skittish once upon a time, but given a chance he's quite the companion. He's found he actually wants more than just a refueling depot - he wants attention. He's sometimes too much cat for Chelsea (more on the cat that is definitely mine some other time), but no doubt he's a lover not a fighter. The last furry addition wasn't a match, so I'm thankful to God for the chance to share some kibble with this guy, spend time with him, and enjoy the humor of his antics - such as with the toys that now bore Chelsea. If I have to move, will he come?

When it comes to God's hand on relationships, though, I wish I knew more what was to come. I wish he could have guided me to renew my last relationship, and helped us see one another as we once did - along with the possibilities. In fact, I wish I could trust in those possibilities with someone yet to come. That aspect of the road that lies ahead remains just as shrouded in the dense fog of mystery as does my career. On some level, what will be - like what turns I'll take on that route - has yet to be decided, and that's never been something with which I've been very comfortable.

Productive Dissertation Writing - Tips and Reflections

...because occasionally there is such a thing.

Shortly after finishing my dissertation (the subject of the next post), I was asked on Facebook to share my thoughts on productive writing. Actually, I think I pursued this goal with anything but productivity, but perhaps lessons might be learned alike from what I would rather have not done as what I found to be helpful. After all, the clarity of hindsight doesn't come from how well we worked before its benefit, right? Now seemed like a good time to reflect on the experience and attempt to glean some tips, if only to keep them in mind for my own self-improvement. Hopefully, others might also find them useful.

Heads-Up: 10 Total, and the first 3 apply to the proposal stage.

1. Always see term papers as opportunities to write potential chapters. This advice comes second hand from a dear friend in my program, and it served me quite well. Notice, I said "potential". If you're in a doctoral program, and you don't yet know your topic and/or thesis, that's okay! Before that time, one way you can do this is to just treat your term papers more seriously. I don't mean be more rigorous - though that couldn't hurt - I mean choose topics that really interest you, rather than just taking the quickest route to "found something that will work" to "I think this will get me the A or B I want." You might just get practice, but maybe you'll end the paper wanting to research the topic further.
   
   This does get easier once you pick a topic, as - proposed or not - you can start working on your dissertation. Say you only have one section you can import into your dissertation, that still means at least one chapter will not be the ominous "blank page" that I often saw as a foreboding mental mountain. Even if it needs a ton of polishing, it anchors your thought, and launches you. I had a rough version of what would become my first chapter, and a few pieces before I would say I began researching, but by the time I formally proposed, I had rough material useful for  60-75% of 2 chapters, and 25-35% of 2 more. Previous work combined with a term paper in a seminar that same semester to give me 40-50% of the rough innards of one more, so only one chapter would ominously stare back at me.
   
2. Don't let administrative challenges inhibit your writing. Above, note the emphasis on formal proposal. I've learned from other programs that some require you to organize your committee considerably earlier, as they have to approve what amounts to a ~3-7 page prospectus before a proposal. Even if this isn't a requirement, as you recruit professors, you will need to get ready. I hit a snag - I found professors willing to be members quickly, but took a while to find a chair. I was also hesitant to outright ask people. Though I continued to take useful courses for some time, I had most if not all of the courses I had to have done over a year before I proposed. That may sound good, but it's not, because of what felt like a "Catch 22": I had to defend my proposal to enroll in dissertation hours, and I couldn't propose without a committee to hear it. I got to do some independent study when I was close enough I could craft the proposal, but those hours are capped. Also, I was far less productive without that organization in place, especially since I didn't want to "get too far down a rabbit hole" without an agreed framework.
   
   Do: Try to find the chair first (probably a full professor, or a sister-program even restricts who can serve as a chair so there may be a subset), who can advise on other members, and don't let delay impede your progress until you've at least finished a proposal.
   
3. Know the framework your proposal provides you, and use it. A member recommended a book for me before I proposed called How to Complete and Survive a Doctoral Dissertation by David Sternberg (1981, NY: St. Martin's Griffin). It's 226 pages, and the first 107 pages take you up to the proposal point, so you get a half-way stop to help advise you better than I can for efficiently pursuing the proposal. Here, I just want to say there are two main approaches to a proposal: a "mini-dissertation" that is larger, and a smaller, basic pitch of the thesis and research design.
   
   Both have advantages (i.e., get more direction up front versus ability to move to research sooner) and disadvantages, but both are a framework for the product. I would say mine was closer to the mini-diss approach, and I liked having a little more batter in the muffin slots before I cooked what I proposed. Sternberg may overplay the extent to which it is a contract, but it is so in two important points: it's a way for them to assess the baked product - did you do what you said you would, regardless of the results - and it lays out a roadmap to guide completion. If you haven't proposed, give these alternatives a google and think about which would work best for you.
   
4. Don't underestimate diplomacy and collaboration. Partly, I owe completing my task to a patient chair who didn't throw up his hands from working with me. Perhaps this view is discipline- or topic-dependent, obviously it doesn't hold for ethnographers, but I suspect most graduate students have a view of the dissertation as a very independent endeavor. Indeed, the need to make an original contribution and (usual) lack of a coauthor on what for many of us is our largest writing to date means it definitely demands independence.
   
   Still, in many ways you must collaborate, for such important tasks as attaining data, issuing surveys or conducting experiments with space requirements, etc. Even if, like me, you don't conduct surveys or experiments (my theorizing was supplemented by existing data and simulation), you will still need to get feedback on drafts and bounce ideas / problems with others. When you're organizing your writing tasks, allow more time than you think this will take, and don't interpret silence as "everything is fine".
   
   This isn't my forté - woe unto you if it's not - so I'll refer you to the book that I suggested in the last tip: Sternberg (1981). If it's not your strong suit, at least be aware of that, and compensate. Also, don't be too proud to ask your chair for a hand in that area. Maybe s/he will assist (i.e. facilitate a meeting), or maybe s/he'll advise you on scheduling them or addressing concerns, but either way, you don't want to remain stalled in neutral.
   
   Do: Know that there will be pitfalls arise that - though better treated as challenges - you will experience as problems! Plan ahead. If you need feedback on a chapter, unless it's your last one, structure your tasks so you can move on to other chapters, even if it's just editing, while you wait.
   
5. Outline, then outline some more! It really helped me jumpstart. If I wasn't ready to write further in a chapter - and sometimes you can't force it - I could at least work on the outline ahead. It's helpful so you can start thinking and hit fewer intellectual cattle guards in the future. (That metaphor works better for fellow Texans.) Plus, it may feel like "skipping" to another part of the work, but getting a firmer grasp on what's ahead will help you write. Speaking of, ...
   
6. Don't get inhibited by organizational challenges! Here, I mean the writing structure and interconnections, not organizing the research (i.e., time management, committee). Maybe this doesn't hinder the motivation of others, but personally, if I couldn't figure out how to structure something - what point to make first so I could build on it efficiently - I'd meander, dwelling to much on outlining. (I said it was useful, but not without end.) Your organization will change! Most of my proposal was Chapter 1, but a section got large, and a mitosis produced Chapter 2. Something I proposed would be tackled in the summary moved one chapter back. Even after my defense, minor revisions necessitated a small organizational change.
   
   Do: Look for linkages, but without thinking you need to get it right the first time.
   
7. Know what energizes you outside of the dissertation, so you can "refuel". There will be times when someone thinks a part of your dissertation sucks - sometimes you - or when you're just stuck. This is doubly an energy sap because those not in GradWorld, Inc. will not get this reality, and may just think the demotivation or mental impasse is slacking off. Admittedly, sometimes I did waste time, but there's more to the story than a need of "Red Foreman" getting you to "buckle down". (Although, turning off That 70's Show re-runs might have helped.) The next 3 tips are ones that worked for me, but if they're not your cup of tea, find motivators.
   
8. Change up your environment - rough draft a portion elsewhere. It doesn't even have to be a section, though it could be. After I'd done the reading for a section in my fifth chapter, the first pass-through was mostly outputted at Starbucks. I run on caffeine more than one should, but I wanted a change of venue, and the "carrot" of a double chocolate brownie to get me to write. Sternberg (1981) advises you to have a writing space that is first and foremost for dissertation writing. I think that's great advice, and near proposal time I reduced my desk to just dissertation files. (Yeah, guess how long that lasted :-P ) After awhile, though, I think writing there felt like a chore. I associated "my office" - the converted dining space - with what will at times be drudgery.
   
   Because my portable option was a scaled down Android Office substitute, I'd write the portion separately, and edit it as I connected it with the larger work. This tack was driven by the tech, but I think having it separated out was very invigorating. Looking at a new blank page - no longer "the" blank page - was refreshing, and with no true pagination, I might expect just to write a couple paragraphs and wind up with 4 pages! Plus, I prefer to do my rougher, new material in single-space. I wish I had done this ecological pick-me-up sooner.
   
9. Know what helps you generate thought - go on other reading and writing quests. I know I'm not alone in feeling that, really, if I have time to read or write anything bigger than a Newspaper column (in online format, of course!), then I should return to "the Big D." Don't lasso yourself in guilt. Developing a thesis requires some structure and linearity, but just as you didn't arrive it at by tunnel vision, neither will such over-focus deliver you from it. I'm going to pass on the constipation analogy, but if you're an X-Files fan, you know the dangers of just bearing through it.
   
   Does revving the engine after you've gone off the road sound determined and focused? (...and we're back to That 70's Show - use the kitty litter.) You may be weary of letting yourself go off on tangents after too many bouts of procrastination, but guess what? Just as you need tools to get unstuck from the road ("...Jedi Dumbass"), you need to vary your mental diet so chewing on other nuggets will restart your noggin. Let the dissertation run on a different core in your processor, and read and write on other matters. "Thinking outside the box" can't just be a euphemism - it means giving yourself the freedom to literally get outside your own categories!
   
   Side Research Projects are Great! Logically, we would think additional projects are distractions, but that's not always the case. I got the opportunity to co-author a separate manuscript with a professor last summer. This helped for the thought-diversity rationale, but also because, in line with Tip #7, it gave me a win more quickly attainable. Two people can get a version of one article done far more quickly than one person can complete multiple chapters. Additionally, Sternberg (1981, last chapter) admonishes the dissertation survivalist to not vacay too long, lest "burnout" develop, so I think continuing to help with the redraft will be a good way for me to get back to riding the bike before I let the wheels get squeaky. We'll see.
   
10. Also, maybe take a few extra seminars, even when you can just take dissertation hours. I would have liked to enroll in dissertation hours sooner, but if I could have done it years sooner, I would still take the occasional seminar, because I find the give-and-take on topics that may not be directly related, but are at least pertinent to my field, helps me refresh, learn of new research grounds I can drill (non-Texans get dry well problems, right?), and generate ideas. If nothing else, you don't want your whole world to be working on your dissertation. When that was the case, I felt quite small on dry well days.
    
    Balance the load: I agree with Sternberg [1981] when he reminds you to consider how any work will effect not only your time, but your energy for dissertation work. My part-time internship in 2012 was only a few months before proposing, and paired well. On the other hand, if you're in an emotionally or physically draining job, and there's any fiscal way you can lighten the load, it's probably worth it.)